7/2/2011
Ask Glenn
" I've been unfaithful to my husband and hurt him deeply. Even though it's been
almost a year since it happened, it seems
that we just can't move forward. Is there
any hope in saving our marriage? I love him so very much but things are just not the same. Is it too late?
This is a complex and difficult question. However I'm glad to say that there is hope, and there are answers.
One foundational truth that we must clearly understand is that, there is a cause for every thing we do. We may
have at least some understanding of our actions and behaviors, but then, we may not.
I'm in no way justifying the unfaithful behavior. However
over 26 years , and literally hundreds of couples later, I've seen very few one night stands. Most adulterous
situations began as friendly conversations. But then these conversations begin to meet a need that has probably existed for several years of married life. With some, the need (s) may have started within a few weeks
after the honeymoon.
These needs indicate that there was a void in the relationship. A hollowness, an empty spot. This void, or empty spot can exist between two people who genuinely
love each other, who have beautiful children, and who
have a good sex life. I should point out however that a
sex-starved marriage is a dangerous place to be.
After a period of time, the conversations become more
intimate. A female may say something like, " I can talk
to him about anything. He understands me. I have more
in common with him than I ever have with my husband.
And, I feel attractive again."
A guy may say things like, " I can open up with her about
anything and not be afraid or misunderstood. It makes me feel good just to be around her."
We can already see signs of trouble on the horizon. Their communication is surface at best. Which leads to misunderstandings, hurts and unresolved conflicts. The key indicator of a marriage in danger is a breakdown in emotional connectedness. " we are just not close anymore."
In next issue, we will understand what happened, and what can be done to salvage the marriage.
Glenn
While you scream at your woman,
there is a man who wants to talk softly in her ear.
While you humiliate, offend and insult her,
there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is really is,
While you hurt your woman, there's a man wishing
her could make love to her.
While you make her cry, there's a man stealing
smiles from her...
Think about it!!
Glenn Taylor, Ph.D.
Certified Life Coach
Location:
911 South Baker Street
Mountain Home, AR 72653
Caring for couples for over 30 years
